How to ‘deal’ with your partner’s kids

  • psychologist My Partner’s Children: Blessing or Stumbling?
  • families When everything revolves around the kids

You meet one person and everything connects. until he informs you that she is divorced and has two sons, The situation is not easy to handle and everyone warns you that You must know where you are getting, Everything can change as you see yourself as Cinderella’s stepmother.

“I’ve always been reluctant to have a partner who already had children. I never liked it and I even rejected men when they told me about it. I didn’t even give them a chanceSays Sarah Aylan, who has her first partner with a now six-year-old girl. “We’ve been together for two, and the first time I met her, we connected a lot. He He’s pretty much taken for granted that I’m not his mother And let me make it very clear that you have to love her very much. The three of us are great despite being so reticent about it.” He has no complaints, but praises, which is why he’s shunned by saying ‘don’t drink this water’ again.

Laura Sanchez has also decided to move in with a boy who has two children, ages 11 and 10. “My partner, Juan, works and when he is absent he leaves me alone and Gives me every right to tell you what you can and can’t, We’ve developed so much confidence that there are certain things they tell me before I do.”

He hasn’t had any major problems, but he believes that the time has to be divided. “He has joint custody, and when the kids are here for a week, we can live less life as a couple, He touched me like that and I accepted it because I want to. And I hope this is my last mate, really.”

uncomfortable situations

A still from 'The Brady Bunch', the sitcom
A still from ‘The Brady Bunch’, a sitcom in which two families begin life together.

But not everything is pink. Vernika Jaramillo finds the experience very negative. She married a man who has a two-year-old daughter. “She has always been great, today she is 21. Everything is wonderful with her, but Relationship with mom has gone to hellIn communication with my husband and in his attacks.

This woman tells the worst part of the story, When used as a throwing weapon at children. “From taking her to Cádiz and not being able to see her until my husband had to charge the mother the balance of the phone to be able to talk to her. One by one, constantly not letting her see her Threats and turns to vacations and routines that my husband used to love prevent him from enjoying his daughter normally,” she says.

As in all human relations and principles in any community, especially if there are minors, conscience must prevailPsicopartner director Negal has warned Louis Guillen. “Contact should be little by little and never a substitute for one’s parents.”

mediocrity and affection

Regardless of whether you’re looking at your better half (or the full orange, “what one needs half for,” we borrowed from Jess Terrors), “The Miracle of Love” and the Couples Working Well Moving on isn’t always easy, says Guillen, and even less so with someone else’s kids.

First, if we get into this situation and decide to move on, we must respect the children and “give a sense of normalcy and affection”. “can Support our partner in the education of your children, always doing what he wantsin any other direction, and never with respect and diplomacy”.

they already have parents

To gain their trust, it is best to be consistent, proposes the psychologist. “More or default can turn everything upside down,” he explains, so we shouldn’t be too close to ‘colleagues’ or parents, as they already have. “The advice for making any relationship prosper, and this case is no different, is openness to accept others with their separate backpack and respect for their place.

both in couples with foreign children and in couples with normal children, Look for the “Adults Only” Location, Angel defends Louis Guillen. If the separation is recent, then yes, he recommends “letting the crisis pass” first.

All ages are associated with different problems. “Maybe here we can apply little boy cliche, minor problem. Babies and kids give work and are dependent and that can be a problem.”

as they grow they become more independent but They question their parents too much, Psychologists warn, “their decisions and their way of living increase conflict… Teenagers are very harsh and very serious in their decisions, like anyone who hasn’t lived long enough and isn’t clearly wrong.” Has happened.”

In the event that the couple speaks ill of the other parent or has a bad relationship, as happened with the testimony in this report, the expert agrees that the fundamental thing is to be able to move in with him, Resonating with him without going short or going too far. ,without appearing cold and overly neutral or contrastingBecause we can offend”.

and the conversation are normal kids It should happen clearly, respecting the wishes of the other. For Belen Miralepix it was the end of the relationship, not in vain. “She was very clear that two was enough and that I wanted to live the experience of being a single mom. No one was willing to fold their arm, so why waste time in their thirties,” he says.

Tips for dealing with kids

chances are you
Chances are you want to have children again, this will need to be discussed.Shutterstock
  1. Be patient. “You should keep in mind that children need their time to build trust. In addition, they are adapting to a situation in which it is, after all, difficult for them to fit in,” says Laura Bandera Pastor, General Health Psychologists, member explains. The cabinet of psychologist Javier Lavrez Ceres, a member of the top doctors.
  2. don’t force the situation, Experts say that as much as we want to get closer to your baby, this process takes time and we have to adapt to its rhythm. “Indeed, forcing intimacy or long periods of time with a child who doesn’t yet trust us can be counterproductive.”
  3. Earn a child’s trust by being yourself, “Children are natural by nature and a good way to approach them is to respect them and show us just as we are.”
  4. go a little further by sharing activities, “The important thing in the beginning is that they feel comfortable by your side and gain their trust, so starting to take an interest in activities they enjoy or do can be a good starting point in their lives,” says Bandera Pastor recommends.
  5. Leave disciplinary decisions in the hands of their parents. That is his role. “This is something that is also recommended to be talked about with your partner so that later there are no misunderstandings or uncomfortable situations in the presence of children.”
  6. it is important to understand them, “Remember, they are children, and it is very common in these types of situations that they become angry or feel that they will be towards their parents if they approach their father/mother’s new partner. Being loyal.”
  7. Don’t take some inappropriate or unfortunate comments personally. “They are usually the result of not managing their emotions properly.”
  8. pay attention “As a couple, especially in the early period when the child is getting used to the new situation, spend time with him doing something he enjoys,” advises the psychologist.
  9. Understanding and empathy are essential within the couple. You should keep in mind that this is a difficult situation for both of you, so fostering adequate communication between the two of you is ideal, advises Laura Bandera. “Talk firmly about things.”
  10. enjoy the relationship, Although it can be complicated at times, it is important not to neglect the couple and continue to share time together. “There’s time for everything. Sometimes taking time out in the day to enjoy each other’s company is enough. For example, enjoying a glass of wine and a nice snack when the kids go to bed.” Enjoying the conversation.”

*The names of the testimonials have been changed to respect the privacy of those involved.

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