Let’s be honest with ourselves. How many of us are able to undress in front of our partners—obviously time and trust go a long way—without covering up openly, here or there? what’s more, how many of us are capable Look at yourself in the mirror, as our mother brought us into the world, And tell us: “I like you very much”?
The topic brings them to the fore, because despite the fact that the market concept of ‘body positive’ is constantly sold to us and, in fact, it seems that some things are changing, due to social pressure to be (or look) younger. The deck and always beautiful continues to crush our heads. “The wrinkle is beautiful,” they declare. “Cellulite is a natural thing,” he tells us. but then, Why don’t men and women—especially women—who appear in movies or in advertisements have something like this?
And, of course, in this scenario to see who is the handsome man who ‘dare’ to show himself in all his splendor, especially if the eyes that are supposed to make him think are ‘new’.
Why do we ‘treat’ ourselves so much? “It’s clear that no little boy has the impression that his legs are chubby or that he doesn’t like his eyes. We We are not born feeling disapproval of our bodies“, reminds us of Isabel Serrano-Rosa, psychologist and director of EnPositivoS.
Obviously, this psychologist tells us, “The first self we develop is a body recognition and we do it not only through self discoveryBut a. also comes to us through relational self, We identify with what our parents and the people around us tell us about ourselves.
“The eyes of others – they tell – tell us from childhood how we are. First, in our immediate environment and later, it is society that dictates our own ideal, what ‘an ideal person’ is. which complies with the established principles”.
one fine day, we’ll reach an era where modesty begins to appear And it tells us which part of our anatomy we can and cannot show; Which part is ‘public’ and which part is ‘intimate,’ if at this point, we are creating a negative thought around our body perception, we will become more shy and embarrassed”.
It gets worse when “we stand up” blender stage, as I call it, which is adolescence, in which group is the one who sets the way for us, In complete physical transformation, we display ourselves or, conversely, are pushed by complexes to cover ourselves more than necessary”.
Unfortunately, as we get older, “it exists more and more”. The pressure of an ‘ideal self’ To which the prevailing culture wants to push us, but we are left with ‘our ideal’.
We are so afraid of this confrontation, we often come out badly. “Exposing oneself to the scrutiny of the group and managing to meet that ‘ideal self’ with that ‘ideal self’ that we have made of ourselves is not easy at all and the tendency to ‘hide’ ourselves Although there are those who love and can do anything!”
The current setup of our lives doesn’t help. “The existing culture is very demanding and produces in us” a certain fear of not being perfect, of not being measured, of not achieving a position,
clear that “Our society does not stand for the humanism that puts people first for what they have, not what they have or represent, Rather on the contrary. It drives us to a relentless pursuit of success and a relentless pursuit of impossible-to-reach ideals.”
In this scenario of the rise of materialism, “the body has become a more possessivenext to a house or car, and the pressure of reaching for some physical cannon is particularly suffocating”.
Serrano-Rosa recalls a case she saw in consultation. “I remember I had a patient who went through so many rejection experiences, which was like emotionally disconnected from their bodies To describe it in a purely mechanical way, as if he were giving an anatomy lesson”.
Much work needs to be done to ensure that “the relationship with our bodies, rather than pain, causes us pleasure or well-being; that let’s like each other, It’s about establishing an affectionate relationship with our bodies in a certain way, with more and more wounds and scars as time passes”.
On the other hand, he explains, “we must also consider the extent to which we allow our soul to be exposed. We tend to cover up our mind and our body because of self-esteem problems.”
that body dysmorphic disorder with whom we live “makes us obsess, more and more strongly, with the part of our anatomy that we consider ‘incomplete’, The anxiety it generates drives us to seek ‘solutions’ in aesthetic medicine on occasion”.
It is a pathology that affects both men and women. “Specifically, I remember one patient who was completely obsessed with his sex organ, saying it was ugly and he didn’t like it. he didn’t want to show his body And, of course, not even having sex. Super it.”
To all of this, we must add the very important detail that “we live in a castrating chronophobic culture in which Being exposed again not only means the return of ancient ghosts from the past, But, moreover, it imagines a brutal struggle with that ‘ideal self’ that is forever young and ‘perfectly’ beautiful that it is absolutely untrue. it’s a challenge”.
It is also true, he adds, that “in honest and healthy love relationshipAcceptance prevails as we are. Because, of course, if someone doesn’t accept our bodies as they are, they’re giving us an important signal that we shouldn’t continue.”
How can we cultivate an affectionate relationship with our bodies? “learning Love the temple we live in, care for it, nurture it, allow us to be who we are. It is a gradual process in which I tell myself that this is the ‘ideal me’ of the society, it does not have to be my ‘me’.
It is necessary that we deal with this”Self-compassion, equanimity, and kindness, We should not investigate the damage that has been done to us from outside.”
This psychologist proposes”learn self controlThe part of us sitting at the table in front of us that beats us up to let us know that we will no longer allow this to continue the way we keep other people from doing the same to us.
We must establish a language of “affection and conversation, a internal communication What makes us feel good, that rewards us”.
Also, “have a growth mindset to move on and grow” and, of course, treat each other with care: “We need accept our vulnerability, And realize that we are what we tell ourselves. The power of words is stronger than we think, Our mind is narrative and creates realities through words. Therefore, the way we speak configures the relationship with our bodies, what we want to show and what we want to hide”.
nude before the mirror
If one thinks that being attractive responds to certain objective criteria, sexologist Ana Sierra reminds us that “Beauty is, in fact, something completely subjective, A cultural and social construct that depends on the moment we are living in. What is considered beautiful now may not have been in another era. To give one example, the principles of female beauty have changed greatly throughout history. However, yes, there are common denominators that prevail over the years and that generate pressin social At that time, for example, undress in front of others,
Sierra emphasizes that “not only have we been educated to find certain things attractive, but neurological levelWe are designed in such a way that symmetry generates a sense of well-being. This is why, a priori, we are more vulnerable to being attracted to someone. Symmetrical Features,
However, there are some oddities that “can be very attractive because absolute perfection can give”. A sense of the artificiality of robotics, Instead, those ‘flaws’ can be very tempting.”
It also emphasizes the fact that “we have been sold what others have to be beautiful, However, a paradigm shift involves receiving it in oneself, independently of another’s gaze.”
Despite the fact that there is a growing movement in defense of it, “natural things like wrinkles continue to be stigmatized.” Powerful movements initially generated “a” as a ‘protect’ of gray hair in women cognitive dissonance, But, as it becomes more visible and we adjust to the new reality, the feeling of discomfort disappears.”
Zen’s Leading Sexologist Invites Us to Try stand in front of the mirror, took off all his clothes to learn to see himself with different eyes. “The discrepancy that, in principle, our body produces within us because it does not conform to established principles of beauty, as we look at ourselves in the mirror and say nice things to ourselves, begins to associate it with positive sensations.” Do it, it will fade”.
Have we tried?
according to the norms of