Is your sex life routine and unpredictable? So You Can Change It (Spoiler: The Will Is In You)

We live in a society where sex is everywhere. Everyone, especially women, is asked to have a lasting passion and for this reason, sometimes we can assume that it is a problem to not feel the desire according to those expectations. It should also be kept in mind that the routine, Long relationships, work, parenting, stressThe paucity of time and the difficulty of being our own time crushes the space for desire and leaves us little time for fantasy and sensual play.

“This hypersexualization tells us to have a constant strong desire and a desire that doesn’t reflect reality. I have had several couples in counseling who think they have a problem if they don’t have an almost daily relationship and that at all. There isn’t a normal rhythm. Couples of long periods, not even several times a week.” So, from the beginning, Paula Alvarez, sexologists and educationists, take a load off our shoulders. In other words, more or less infrequent sexual activity doesn’t have to be routine or boring. What’s more, it’s probably not even that rare.

Alvarez states that there is no “standard desire”, nor that we all have the same hunger or thirst and since “we can do without it”, having sex is not synonymous with better or worse health.

you have to activate your wish

Lorena BardiniPsychologists and sexologists, point out that desire sometimes disappears due to day-to-day occupations, but is broken by the discourse that it is “to excite the couple”. She says women often pass that responsibility on to another and are “not proactive enough”. his own enthusiasm,

We think that desire has to be awakened from outside, but it is not so at all. It is the individual himself, says Burden, who has to activate that desire, not purely sexual but from all the dimensions around his life. “First, feel good about yourself (that eternal fight that all human beings carry with themselves every day) and from there work on all the things that make your day to day routine and sometimes even tiring. More when you have a partner,” he says.

Desire must work from the inside out. If you are not willing, open, and available, nothing that comes your way is going to work for you. To desire you have to ‘want’, you have to ‘allow yourself’, you have to be ‘for and for’. And it takes effort. “If life eats you up day in and day out, reserve a few moments to be with your partner, park excuses, Vance Perza. And play,” she continues.

Avoid ‘Amoeba Mode’

For Paula Alvarez, the fact that sex isn’t necessary for survival makes it necessary to train her not to get into “amoeba mode.” “To do this, we must feed what we sexologists call the “erotic map,” put on spiced glasses and Look for mischief in our day to day To feed our fantasy database. He insists that sexuality is in the head, not in the genitals.

Thus, the sexologist advises to give himself some toys And use Onanism to pull the thread of desire and find the keys that ignite the spark of our enthusiasm.

But Paula attributes the routine and lack of desire to the “double shift” that many women go through: “If you come home from work and you can’t lie down to rest and your needs are met, your There will hardly be a moment near when you feel like having sex”. “The Fair distribution of tasks is the sexiest thing that we can contribute to our partner if we want them to return”, he decides.

Take time for yourself (and your partner)

Psychologist and sexologist Lorena Burden suggests that in order to avoid routine and feel like having sex, one should not take the relationship with one’s partner lightly and try to nurture the relationship with him/her. “It needs support like a plant. And it’s done with a lot of dedication, patience, affection, respect, listening, humour…”, he says.

It’s theory, but how do you get it? “Spend Time With Your Partner: Look For Gaps dating, talking and communicating, Take care of yourself, be open and allow yourself to feel that connection. That, among other things, is done by releasing control. We women want everything to be under control and, sometimes, it’s necessary to let go,” she says.

In fact, Burden does an exercise: Do you remember the last time you did? amazing intercourse, “Think about what context you were in, what circumstances… You were probably more relaxed than usual, weightless, letting go of everyday worries a bit. Sometimes just changing the context changes the experience “

Menopause is another stage

lack of desire and a . it is common to add regular sex life For years in a woman. Paula Alvarez clarifies that there is no specific age in which they are most affected by loss of arousal and that age is not a deterrent. In addition, it suggests that sex is present in old age and that other stages of more prosocial and maternal activity are those that create more stress and difficulty for sex.

For her part, Burdun stresses that women don’t have to stop their sexual activity at any specific age, although there are specific stages that can favor moments of greater sexual inappropriateness, such as menopause. But sexologists stress that it doesn’t have to mean the death of desire: “You might have a low sexual appetite for hormonal reasons, but stay fully engaged with your partner. Probably more for you not to lose that connection.” Will have to try, but if you work at it, it’s possiblecross the stage without drama”, Explain

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