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Sylvia Congosto, Girona, 1977. Published by this expert psychologist in Self-Esteem, Emotional Dependence and Couples Conflicts toxic people (Zenith), a manual to identify them and get rid of them forever.
- How do you identify a toxic person?
- A toxic person is someone who, when you interact with them, makes you feel bad or hurt. It makes you obsessive, feel insecure, or completely destroy your self-esteem.
- There will be different levels.
- Yes, poisonous creatures are only for one person, but with others, they fit perfectly. On the other hand, others are toxic to everyone because they have a personality disorder that doesn’t make them empathize with the pain of others, nor do they realize the harm it causes. They manipulate and destroy, but they don’t know what they are doing. They act that way because it’s their way of doing things and they can’t even change it.
- Is it possible to get rid of them?
- Undoubted. The purpose of the book is: to provide the light, understanding and tools to recognize them, to free yourself from those bonds and to be happy, because when it is received, a great burden is lifted off your shoulders.
- Can they cause dependence, as if it were a drug?
- Yes of course. In fact, we see this in counseling, when it comes to someone who is in a relationship with another with a narcissistic profile. It destroys you, cancels you out and you don’t see your life without that person. They distort facts to make you think ‘Thank God I have this for him’. And you become dependent.
- What if the toxic person is a close relative?
- Breaking free from a toxic child or parent is more complicated. It could be a toxic mother, who is a psychological abuser, or a father who insults and denigrates you, or a son who abuses and hurts you. In these cases, breaking up is not an option, but you have to go a certain distance to protect yourself. Those are the people who are damaged. Your mother may have behaved this way because she had a bad childhood or was abused.
- If it’s a baby, do we have to go to a specialist’s office?
- I recommend seeking medical help to deal with the pain. You have to understand that this kid is probably lacking something, has bad friends or is acting this way for whatever reason. He is damaged on an emotional level.
- And if it’s your partner? Is this observed from the beginning of the relationship or can it happen in a consanguineous marriage, in which the individual suddenly becomes a toxic creature?
- It may also happen that for some years we are in a good relationship and after some time, one wants to live differently and starts behaving badly with contempt and coldness towards his partner. This makes the bond toxic. But there are other cases, such as autistic profiles or other disorders, that are toxic from the very first moment, although it is true that they are great actors and we do not see it. First, they give you their ears and when they keep you in their network, their true profile is revealed.
- You yourself are suffering from an emotionally dependent relationship. Even psychologists do not avoid them.
- accurate. We are all exposed. Even psychologists expose themselves to poisonous creatures. In my case, it was a dependency relationship. My former partner had many qualities, but he wanted a different life. He was a toxic person to me and I started suffering and having a hard time. I was struggling to accept it, but the life I wanted was not what I wanted. When you do that, you end up destroying yourself. It doesn’t work.
- Why do so many couples fail?
- Many fail because they are not looking for the same thing and being by the other person’s side means stopping being you. They also fail because there is a bad choice from the start. We don’t ask why we choose someone or what is important. We get attracted to someone, we fall in love, we launch ourselves and then what happens.
- Of course, we don’t think. It is acted upon by the beat of the heart or by pure irrationality.
- When we take important decisions in life, we usually think about it, but in such case we don’t. Therefore, we encounter realities that startle us. I spend a lot of time doing prevention and helping people think about it all. If we do, we’ll do better.
- The level of toxicity in politics?
- This is not the field I work in, but it may be similar to what others are in. In company, for example, there are people with a lot of power, who have personality disorders, and use this power to step in on others. This happens in other episodes as well. You can do more damage with a power roll.
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