The bubble family or why we raise alone (and the four nails to catch)

With an aging population, Spain is faced with the demographic challenge of increasing birth rates. Very few babies are born, which is the crux of the matter. We women start late (at 31.2 years old) and when we do start, we do it with caution. That talk about the crowd is very old.

According to Eurostat, the fertility rate fell to 1.5 children per woman in 2020, but we Spaniards remained well below that figure: we have 1.19 creatures on average And so, we’re second from the bottom, right ahead of Malta.

The reasons are few and can be summed up in the quest for personal, work and economic stability that allows them to enter the unexpected journey of motherhood with a certain degree of security. After the minimum wicker is tied Let the sun rise in Antequera.

These reservations about fertility were left black on white in a survey conducted by Sigma Dos for Yo Donna and which we published on the occasion of Mother’s Day.

In light of that much-anticipated economic solvency, a recent study has also found that raising a child from birth to emancipation costs more than 300,000 euros, so no, not to be taken lightly Looks like

parenting without a tribe

What about less oppressed causes to do with the African proverb that says “It takes a whole tribe to educate a child.” Let’s see: which tribe is that? family is? Friends? caregivers? Maybe everyone weaves a covering, but in the moment of truth we are left alone with the door closed.

Without that tribe, says blog creator Marta Arrill, a mother from another planet, parenting is much harder. He believes that reproduction is unique and precious, but in great demand. “The hard part, the really hard part is that we were raised without a tribe,” he says. A network is needed, he continues, to support us when we fall or when we can’t reach everything: “You need relatives, neighbors, friends who comethat they may give you a hand, that they may hear you, that they may see you.” No more, no less.

ruth abadoAn anthropologist and professor at the OBS Business School, explains that the family model has changed: “We’ve gone from a broader model, in which we had uncles, cousins, etc. Two parents.”

“As human beings we need to be Community“, says Abad, not only for raising children, but as a way of living in the world. Productive systems and urbanization do nothing on their part: “Every time it makes us more individual and Cities are not designed to be settled. But for them to transit”, he confirms. Time is short, but there are benches, parks, squares and so on to sit. common place Where to weave the tribe that is disappearing.

covid-19 again

Covid-19, the culprit of many things and the ‘Janata ka Joker’ for everything, definitely shows up here as well. The coronavirus was a mirage, in so far as it acted as a spring for the generation of solidarity networks of closeness in the face of a pandemic. But this also, explains anthropology, means the loss of Reliance On the other hand, the cornerstone and the basis for ‘sign qualification’ to generate relationships with others. I mean, good and bad.

If we think about tribes and breeding, then the concept of Care It is taking time to get to this text. Come on, let’s begin. Ruth Abad says: “As a society we have not yet recognized that care is also an economy, that it is productive activities, The visibility part is important, but don’t forget to highlight the material contribution they represent. Without care, the system doesn’t work.”

1. School as a Community Agent

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But there are deserts in all deserts and today we will talk about Four From them. Ruth Abad affirms that schools are currently very vibrant places for socialization. In fact, its role as a community agent dates back to the 1970s, when much development took place on the outskirts of large cities: “These unions were the ones that began to fight for resources and, as before, a meeting place for many women.” Worked as point. It was the churches,” he says.

The anthropologist concluded, “School is a good place to share with your peer group, so educational centers can facilitate these informal encounters between both minors and adults.”

Diana Oliver are journalists and just published ‘Precarious motherhood’A book in which she asks many questions under the pretext of talking about motherhood, what families need to raise and what they have instead.

“We talk about reconciliation but there is a lot behind it: low wages, expensive housing, lack of networks… there is a structural uncertainty that affects the personal and the economic. It crosses us into everything and It affects how we raise our children,” he says.

Oliver also stresses the idea that families are becoming increasingly lonely, despite the fact that raising requires “10 or 20 hands”. “But the impossible schedule and work, which absorbs us all day, make it impossible. We don’t value care,

School shouldn’t just see each other at the door, drop the child and that’s it.

Diana Oliver

We are trapped in our bubbles, so how do we get out of them? Without the social and political changes that favor it, the author remains committed to activism: “We have to start with ourselves and build alliances with our neighbors, for example. call, offer,

In line with what Ruth Diaz told, Diana Oliver, a mother of two young children, has found School The tribe that sometimes disappears. “Raising up in a big city like Madrid isn’t the best thing, but in school we have a group that holds us back,” he says. In this they help each other, have fun, make plans, support each other. “It’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me,” he says without hesitation. “It’s so important to know that you can call someone if you have a setback. We’ve built a community.”

In the absence of other public spaces in which to build and generate relationships, the school can be a good asset for cohesion. This of course requires group activities outside the day, “not only to meet at the door, leave the baby and just“, concludes Oliver.

2. Ring the neighbor’s doorbell: Daredevil

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In the American series we see neighbors welcome each other with a cake. Around here it may be unusual, but at sunset the chairs have not been made to bring in some fresh air. Without going back to rural contexts (due to the graffitied chairs), decades ago one could have made False Family on Landing.

Neighbors were relied upon to ask for two eggs, a handful of rice, or to help repair the sink. And they were also ready to be with other children to play or to cover the parents in case of any unforeseen events.

Now the story is different and sometimes we do not even know the name of what we hear on the other side of Partition. very little we’re gonna ring your doorbell to be with our son While we are out of a job. This time, in fact, it’s almost daring.

Had it not been for the support he provided and my friendship with the neighbors, we would have moved to a bigger apartment

Luca R.

But, there are exceptions which are another oasis in the desert. Luca R is 52 years old and has two children. He lives in a small housing development in the center of Madrid which has been “Like a City” And it has decisively saved the logistics of children.

“When my kids were 2 and 7 years old, my husband went to work abroad. I was alone with them for five years“, he explains and recalls that they were an essential support in his upbringing during that time. The network he built with his neighbors is made up of three families and this alliance, he says, emerged spontaneously when Their children went into the community puddles.

“I’ve always been lazy about neighborhood relationships, but they’re the ones that come first because they’re close. To me they’re friends. It’s been lucky for them and it still is,” he says. So much so that they are the ones who keep the family in the area: “If not, we would have moved to a bigger apartment,” he says.

3. We will always have the Internet

If the family is far away, the kids’ school locks the door when class is over, and the neighbors look weird to us, there’s always a ruckus. In this way the Internet has become the new Paris of ‘Casablanca’, that is, it has become Tribe or, rather, in the Cyber ​​tribe.

Source of Monica A journalist and is the founder of MotherSphere, a portal specializing in motherhood, parenting and education. Now she has recently published ‘Goodbye Hope, Hello Reality’, a book in which she speaks with humor and shares what she has learned about motherhood from her personal experience (she has two children) and her work on the net. sympathizes with her.

“When my first daughter was born 13 years ago, I lived in complete isolation. My mother had just passed away and I began writing my own blog experience, I immediately found other women who wanted to share the same thing and this community was created,” she says. Today Madresfera brings together some 4,500 content creators, a daily podcast for five years and 50,000 followers on Twitter. It is clear that they are interested in meeting, even in cyberspace…

For someone to pick up your kids from school, you need a signed authorization!

Source of Monica

“Madrasfera has been ours, ours chair at the village gate Where many of us have eased our burden. In addition to giving me a job, he personally gave me life,” she says. Monica, like everyone else in this report, complains about the loneliness of families (even more so if they’re single parents), About the lack of community spaces, about the loss of trust in those next door “For someone to pick up your kids from school, you need a signed authorization! And to stay in your house, i want to meet you via whatsappWrite it on the agenda… One thing,” he protests. “It is to institutionalize individualism and expand the philosophy of ‘get off as much as you can’.”

4. Network building profession

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OK, got it. We live behind closed doors and that’s how we grow. We try to escape that loneliness through school, neighbors, the Internet… It seems to be a problem when it comes to community building, but there’s a solution: a professional can give us a little pushIf, as it seems, the easing has become numb or slow.

Maria Folch (47 years old) is an artist, arts educator and educational consultant specializing in the teaching of positive parenting and creativity. they have created and participated in cooperative projects between families In Spain, America and Italy, where he currently lives. In other words, they have made community building a profession.

Their daughter was born 12 years ago. He had no family help, and this is where it all began: “I began organizing conversations with professionals in the neighborhood where I lived, who were immediately joined by other families who felt together during their upbringing. wanted to,” he says. that’s where it came from Mother parenting and education, An association that still continues in Barcelona.

“In New York, I counseled isolated families, attended shared parenting groups and urban forestry schools, did artistic activities with adults and children to bond, and participated in a range of togetherness experiences such as . bringing food to postpartum women“, he relates. Now, in Reggio Emilia (Italy), where he lives, he continues his work, collaborating with schools and other institutions, such as the city council’s family center, and in the training of professionals and families. ways.

Maria Folsh is devoted to it because she believes that man is a social animal and because she comes with parents. many unmet needsIt may be because of lack of logical, emotional, financial support, because of childhood knowledge of play space, by adults…

“In these projects We can’t do magic and make flats in cities at a low cost, or food, or revealing a family from anywhere that is too far away. But there are many things we can offer that will help address these gaps at the physical and emotional level and turn this phase into an opportunity.”


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